we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
