The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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