I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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