No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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