How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
