What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
