Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
