I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
