Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
