After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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