The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
