my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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