people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Randomize
