Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
