I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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