so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize