I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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