and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
