You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
