he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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