I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
