Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
