It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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