you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
