I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
