dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize