the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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