I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
