If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
