He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
