i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
