He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
