He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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