I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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