if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
