I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
