so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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