the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
