So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
