I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
