she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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