yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
