Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
