Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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