I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
