today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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