Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
