Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
