If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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