He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
