Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
