i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
