why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
