should my penis look like a turkey
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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