i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They have beer where we have blood.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
