i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
