in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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