yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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