is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize