So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
