i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
