captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
