Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
