if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
