i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I could fuck to npr.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
