I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
