I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
