Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
