I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
