ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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