38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize