i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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