I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
