I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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