i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
