i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
