3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
