Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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