So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
