Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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