I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
