Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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