i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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