There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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