Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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