i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
