i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
