I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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