Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize